Summary

John Gruber shares his firsthand experience ordering from Temu in August 2023, when it was the #1 app in the App Store. He bought seven knockoff items for $48.81 and found the quality exactly as bad as expected — flimsy, broken, or unusable. More remarkable than the products, though, is what happened after: Temu sent him 916 emails over 1,076 days from a single order. He uses the experience to endorse Cabel Sasser's viral video documenting Temu's absurd app launch sequence, concluding that the video tells you everything you need to know without having to actually use the service.

Key Insight

Temu's true product isn't cheap knockoffs but a relentless spam funnel — the 916 emails from a single order reveal more about its business model than any review of its merchandise could.

Spicy Quotes (click to share)

• 9

  It is in fact not merely a crap store but a spectacular crap store — like if a souvenir shop on a Jersey shore boardwalk were the size of a football stadium.

• 7

  The contents of the box looked less like it had been 'packed' than 'picked out of the trash and hurriedly stuffed into a box'.

• 7

  I couldn't get either of the bluetooth earbuds to work but I didn't spend more than a few minutes trying with each, because I realized I had no intention of putting them into my ears.

• 8

  Temu's slogan remains unchanged: 'Shop like a billionaire.' Who am I to argue with that? We know one of them is on a lot of drugs — maybe all of them are, and Temu is what it's like.

• 6

  As I type this sentence, I've received a grand total of 916 emails. That's just under one per day for the 1,076 days since I placed my one and only order from them.

• 7

  Don't do what I did and actually try Temu. Just watch Sasser's video. It tells you everything you need to know.

Tone

satirical